Topic #8: Tattoos.

Fascinating. That sums up my feeling towards tattoos in one word. There are so many different kinds, styles, places, backgrounds and meanings associated with tattoos that it's hard not to be intrigued. Not only can it be art, but it can tell a story, immortalize someone, or honor something.

I have two tattoos myself, and in all honesty they're not very interesting. I have no regrets, nor am I bored of them, there's just not much story behind them. My first was a swallow/sparrow on the back of my neck. There was a necklace I wore nearly every day of senior year, and people would ask what was wrong when I forgot it, and it came to be a recognizable memory of the last year of my high school career. Therefore, on the day after my graduation, I got the necklace design tattooed on the back of my neck.

Like I said, not any deep meaning behind it, but I like it because it's simple, timeless and in a spot that I may hide it down the road if I so choose.

My second tattoo is simply of my last name: bliss. I designed the tattoo in my own handwriting (so it wasn't so cookie-cutter) and made the dot of the I a heart. My family means the world to me, and putting them at the source of my pulse (my wrist) seemed appropriate. People tease me about it when they see it, "What just in case you forget your name?" I don't get defensive, I just say "exactly," but it's really for the day I get married and no longer have the last name. Also, people rarely call me Sara. Bliss has become my name, so it's really relevant and means a lot to me. It is also in a spot where I may hide it if I so choose.

Now we can talk about other people's tattoos - which ones I find beautiful and which ones I find incredibly stupid.

• The skin tattoos. These are the ones that look like your skin has been ripped open and they're showing you what is underneath. I think these can be amazing if the tattoo artist has a lot of talent. I could never get one, but these are two I find cool:
• The lyric/quote tattoos.

• The autograph tattoos.

(Martin Luther King, Jr.'s signature.)

(Marilyn Monroe's signature & lipstick mark.)

• The logo/brand tattoos.

(Tattoos can be used to make a social or cultural statements, such as above.)

• The videogame tattoos (probably my favorite category).

(Absolutely love the use of pixels; makes the image really old school.)

(Sorry for the nudity, but I couldn't pass this one up. I love the tattoo, but the placement wouldn't be my first choice.)

(This had potential but there's no design to it... just pieces thrown in a group. Put a little more effort into it!)

(I heart Zelda.)

• The famous artist tattoos.

(Van Gogh's Starry Night)

(Picasso.)

• The in-memory-of tattoos. These can either turn out really classy, or really traumatizing. I suggest NOT doing a portrait of the person, but a representation of them through some other symbol, or a quote. This first example is an example of a memoir gone wrong:

(Yikes.)

(This, on the other hand, is a classy, respectful way of remembering a loved one.)

• Random tattoos that I find intriguing.

Basically this blog was a lot of pictures and little type.

Sorry, Sara.

Topic #7: Current Events.

I'm not dumb. I know that being aware of global events and news is important and valuable, especially in the Communications track. But I'm not a journalist, nor a broadcaster. I am a Public Relations major and don't think my GPA should be lowered because of some awful class I am required to take to graduate.

The class I'm referring to is Writing for Mass Media. Admittedly, going into it I knew I would have to write for news, broadcasting, advertising, public relations and basically cover all aspects of media writing. I didn't, however, know this class would consist of 50% writing and 50% current events knowledge.

Every class, Helena Sarkio, the professor, reads us New York Times articles for a good 45 minutes, and every two weeks we have a quiz covering the topics. That would be fine if she didn't require us to know what she told us PLUS any advances or updates. Are you serious? We're college students taking four or five other classes. This would require us to constantly be reading NYTimes.com or watching CNN, and we simply don't have time for that.

I studied my notes and read as much as I could for the first two quizzes, and got a 50% on the first quiz and a 62.5% on the second. Just to see if I could outsmart the system, I typed up all of my notes, researched the topic

s on NYTimes.com and updated all of my information, studied my notes vigorously until 2AM, and studied for a half an hour before the third quiz.

Just because we discussed the three American winners of the Nobel Prize for Medicine does NOT imply that I am supposed to be an expert on every Nobel Prize winner, nor the location of the awards ceremony. Therefore, when I go in able to spell the names of the Medicine Prize winners forwards and backwards, and name the school or company they work for and teach at, but the questions are "What is important about Elinor winning the Nobel Prize in Economics" and "On December 10th, most Nobel Prize awards are being given out in Oslo, Norway. Where are the rest of the awards being handed out on the same day?" I said Washington D.C. because God knows we never covered location, but then answer is Sweden.

When we were going over the quiz, the teacher so kindly called me out and said "Sara, where are the Nobel Prizes being handed out besides Oslo?" I shrugged and said "D.C.?" She literally scoffed at me and said "Come on, everyone knows they're handed out in Sweden, that question was supposed to be a free point." Are you serious? If it's "common sense," why put it on the quiz at all?

Another outrageous question was "Which food should you NOT avoid when trying to prevent risks of food poisoning?" There was "Caesar salad, Ben & Jerry's, tomato and mozzarella salad, Big Mac" as choices. We discussed in class how salad, tomatoes, ground beef, and cheeses can be risky when talking about food poisoning and other food born illnesses. Naturally, I chose Ben & Jerry's. The answer was Big Mac, and the entire class yelled in protest and she goes "Hm, I suppose that is sort of tricky, oh well, sorry, moving on!" Are you serious? Admit it when you're wrong and maybe we won't all hate you as much.

Moral of the story is that I don't believe it's reasonable to test students on current events unless the class is a current events course. Students simply do not have enough time in the day to successfully know everything that's going on in the world. Actually, a stay-at-home mom probably doesn't even have enough time to keep up to date on the same amount of topics. Screw it.

Picture of the day:

Stand up for yourself, Sara.

Topic #6: Quotes.

To be completely honest, I'm having a pretty busy day so you guys are going to have to settle for a nice compilation of quotes.

Life:

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain

He who has a why to live can almost bear any how. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Love:

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu

Love is a game that two can play and both win. - Eva Gabor

Success:

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation out of the bricks others have thrown at him. - David Brinkley

Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure. - George Edward Woodberry

Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. - David Frost

Time:

Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them. - Dion Boucicault

Time is what we want most, but what we use worst. - William Penn

You may delay, but time will not. - Benjamin Franklin

Humor:

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. - Henry Ward Beecher

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten

The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense. - Jacob August Riis

And for your picture of the day:

Happy Wednesday, Sara.

Topic #5: The Hangover.

Besides being my favorite movie, starring the delicious Bradley Cooper, The Hangover is a very real, very painful thing. It's formal name is veisalgia, from the Norwegian word for "uneasiness following debauchery" (kveis) and the Greek word for "pain" (algia). I'm going to do my best to tell you why it happens, what you can do to prevent it, and what you can do to fix it if you fail at the preventing part.

A hangover occurs after consuming alcohol, and consists of one or more of the following symptoms:

• Headache
• Poor sense of overall well-being
• Sensitivity to light and sound
• Diarrhea
• Loss of appetite
• Trembling
• Nausea
• Fatigue
• Increased heart rate and blood pressure
• Dehydration (dry mouth/throat/eyes)
• Trouble concentrating
• Anxiety
• Difficulty sleeping
• Weakness

The three most common are headache, fatigue and dehydration (all of which I am suffering through at the moment), and these symptoms can be made worse by drinking on an empty stomach, lack of sleep, increased activity while dancing (crazy sex or dancing), dehydration before drinking, or having a cold or being ill in some way.

Also, the type of alcohol drank is a big factor in determining how bad your hangover will be, if you have one at all. Darker drinks, such as red wine, bourbon, tequila and the like have a higher amount of congeners, which are a toxin that is a byproduct of fermentation in some drinks. Another drink that might insure a hangover is beer, for the carbonation actually speeds up the absorption of the alcohol in the bloodstream, giving the body even less time to process the toxins. As a general study, people are much less likely to get hangovers from lighter liquids such as white wine, rum or vodka.

Anytime alcohol is consumed, it goes straight to your blood stream and causes a gland in your brain (the pituitary gland), to block the creation of vasopressin. Vasopressin is the antidiuretic hormone, or to put it simply, your body's way of making sure things don't "go straight through you" (having to use the bathroom frequently). Without this hormone, your kidneys send water directly to the bladder (do not pass go, do not collect $200) instead of absorbing the liquid. This is why people will frequently say "I don't want to break the seal!" when drinking - once you relieve yourself the first time, you will have to use the bathroom frequently for the rest of the night.

Drinking 250 mL of alcohol results in 800-1,000 mL expelled from the body - this means four times as much liquid is lost than gained. This process decreases as you stop drinking, because the alcohol in your bloodstream decreases, but this is what creates The Hangover.

The morning after, you wake up incredibly thirsty. This is your body telling you that you desperately need to replenish its water supply. Until you do, your organs will try to make up for their water loss by stealing water from the brain, which is why headaches occur from dehydration. Also, the constant urination rids your body of sodium and potassium levels, necessary for proper cell function, which results in the nausea, fatigue and incoordination we're all so familiar with.

There's much more to it, biologically, but I'd rather not bore you, considering you're probably just waiting for the good part where I cure your ailments. I'm not Jesus but I'm a big fan. First, I'm going to tell you what NOT to do. There's tons of remedy theories, but most of them actually hurt you, not help you.

• Some people love the "hair of the dog that bit you" theory, where waking up and cracking open one last beer supposedly gets rid of your symptoms, but in reality your body will just have that many more toxins to deal with, therefore, this one is stupid and don't do it. Save that beer for a good time at night. It's gross for breakfast.
• Theory number two is burnt toast: carbon can be a filter of the body, but it must be activated carbon (which means it's treated with something) for it to actually work.
• Number three? Black coffee. While it does cure fatigue with caffeine, it is also a diuretic, which makes you urinate more frequently, therefore just making the hangover worse.
• Four: over-the-counter miracle remedies: They don't actually work, they just take your time, gas and money with no result. Forget it! Miracles can't be bought!
• Number five is useful, but not in the way you'd think: fatty and fried foods. If you're looking for something to make you feel better the morning after, I'd go with a fruit smoothie or something to replenish electrolytes, but to be honest this myth is much better as a preventative than a remedy. Eating anything before drinking helps, but greasy, fried foods in particular are nice because the fat creates sort of a lining in your stomach, making it much harder for the alcohol to be absorbed into the bloodstream. Some Mediterraneans even have a spoonful of olive oil before drinking. Personally, I think that sounds quite disgusting, but to each their own.

Here's what you SHOULD be doing to cure the hangover the morning after:

• Eat eggs! They rid your fatigue and have a chemical called cysteine which break down the hangover-causing chemical acetaldehyde.
• Eat bananas! They give you the electrolytes your body needs to get rid of fatigue and also has tons of potassium, which the body loses a lot of during the urinary marathon your body goes through the night before.
• Drink water! As a preventative, drink a glass of water for every alcoholic beverage you consume. As a remedy, add a little sugar or salt to water and drink lots of it the morning after to rid yourself of the dehydration that causes a lot of hangover symptoms in the first place. Non-carbonated or caffeinated sports drinks work also.
• Have a glass of orange juice! Any fruit juice provides vitamins and fructose which relieve your body of some of the symptoms and give you a little more energy. Vitamin supplements for vitamin C and B work as well. Taking a multivitamin before bed actually can prevent many of the symptoms you would normally wake up with.
• Take painkillers! Excedrin is the best. Aspirin is second but if you have a sensitive stomach you could end up feeling worse than you did when you woke up.
• Give it some time! Overall, no matter what you do, the body simply needs time to rid itself of the toxins. Follow the above tips and go on with your day.

And for your picture of the day:

Don't drink and drive, Sara.

Topic #4: Couples Retreat

I am not a movie critic, but I do have opinions about stuff (hence this blog), and therefore would like to discuss the recent film Couples Retreat. Now, it's fairly knew, so I know you probably have not seen it yet. I will not ruin the movie with this article! I am merely going to elaborate on concepts brought up in the movie, not just list all the funny parts. Rather, the parts that were supposed to be funny. This movie is about four couples who go to an island called Eden, a place of reconnecting with each other and discovering yourself. One couple is there for marriage counseling, while the other three simply tagged on for the jet skis and all-inclusive booze. Although the advertising had claimed the couples therapy was mandatory, they are almost threatened into going by Sctanley, the head manager of the island. Reluctantly, all of the couples go.

The interesting part about therapy is how quickly the "happy, normal couples" that are just humoring the struggling couple realize that they have gigantic problems of their own. There are four subcategories of unhappy couples: smothered, age difference, cheating and tolerance. I'd like to talk about these and suggest how to fix them.

1. Smothered couples: There is a phrase the therapist uses - "snapped-neck syndrome" - referring to the young boy who gets a puppy and loves him so much that he accidentally snaps its neck. This, to me, is a proper metaphor for these relationships. It's very rare that couples can stand to be all over each other all the time. Sometimes one even treats the other like they're being babysat. Reminding them what they have to do and where they have to go that day, suggesting things like "Oh honey, you shouldn't be eating that..." It makes one feel very... talked down to. I know, I know, you just care for them and want them to be happy, but you shouldn't have to watch them like a hawk and schedule their lives. You should be living together, yin and yang, not living underneath each other like rungs on a ladder. It's possible to love someone so much that you take away their ability to breathe, and in most cases people would much rather breathe.

2. Age difference: In the movie, Shane is in his early 40s and Trudy is barely into her second decade (20, for those of you struggling). He claims she makes him feel young again, but how long can he keep up? Couples who are too far apart in age usually have a short life span, because the elder soon realizes they have a very hard time keeping up with the lifestyle and the activeness and the interests of the younger. A 40-year-old doesn't want to go to clubs, have sex three times a day, take body shots or stay up until 3AM, and even if they did, many times they simply can't. They're older and their bodies just cannot keep up with the lifestyle of a college kid. Therefore, these couples may be fun for a month or so, but eventually someone is either going to get bored or tired.

3. Cheating: There are couples like this everywhere, as disgusting as it is. They're together out of convenience, but are far more interested in the bachelor lifestyle. This relationship is full of temptation, and for those not strong enough, giving into those temptations. I completely oppose cheating, especially getting back together after cheating, so my advice to you is this: If you want to have one partner, get married. If you don't, then don't. Don't get married (or even just be in a relationship) just because it's convenient, then continue to fool around with every broad/hunk that crosses your path. Make a decision.

4. Tolerance: The last type of couple covered in the movie are couples that just "put up with each other." They claim to love each other, but don't do anything together, don't talk, and the concept of "us" turns into "him or her." The therapist asks how their marriage is and they reply "We're a happy, normal couple." He asks them to elaborate and the wife says "We make it through things together pretty well." The therapist frowns upon this answer and says, "You're married. You should be happy and in love. "Making it through things" sounds like zero happiness or fun at all. You shouldn't be making it through things, you should enjoy them." She goes on to talk about how he has his work and she takes care of the kids and he does the laundry and she picks out the kitchen renovations and the therapist stops them again and says "What happened to us? You two may as well be perfect strangers." These couples are the easiest to salvage. Simply set aside one or two nights a week to just have some "us" time. If you realize you're better teammates than you are lovers, then it's up to you whether you want to stay together or not. It shouldn't be a business partnership, it should be a life partnership.

We've covered four of the most basic types of struggling couples. The movie does a great job of depicting where relationships can go wrong, and how you may fix them. The biggest lesson of the movie is to not give scripted answers. When someone says "Tell me how you're feeling," don't tell them what they want to hear, because you drive yourself further and further into denial. If you're not happy, say something, or else you're just going to "make it through" life, and everyone wants to a little more than being alive - they want to live.

Overall, cute movie. I'd say rent it with your significant other when it comes out on DVD.

And for your picture of the day:

Best of luck, Sara.

Topic #3: Farmville.

The Facebook application that has swept the nation.

Personally, I'm aware of the annoyance and confusion it causes for all Facebook users, yet am still addicted. "Who gives a shit if your pineapples are ready to be harvested!"

I'm a sucker for simulation and role playing games. Anything. SimFarm, Insanaquarium, The Sims (all consoles, all versions, all expansion packs), World of Warcraft, Left 4 Dead. Love it. Live for it. Who knows why? I suppose in a world where little can be controlled, the ability to control every aspect and every result of an environment or situation is empowering.

This is where Farmville comes in. I can chose what crops to plant where, in what pattern, at what time. It's also somewhat realistic, in terms of having to harvest your crops within a certain amount of time before they wilt and die.

The game teaches you many things: how to increase profits, how to manage your time efficiently, and it can even teach you about how other people's minds work.

Increasing profits: Each tree, crop, and animal have a price, a harvest time, and a profit amount. For example, a pumpkin seeds can be purchased for 30 coins a piece, are harvestable in 8 hours and are turned around for 68 coins a piece. With the cost of plowing the land (15 coins), this gives you a profit of 18 coins per 8 hours of gameplay.

(Don't worry, you plant and then come back 8 hours later to harvest... no one expects you to sit there and wait. That's the beauty of this game: it's addicting, but it's literally impossible to sit on it for more than 20 minutes at a time. You run out of things you can do in one sitting. Very well planned by the minds at Zynga!)

On the other hand, peppers cost 70 coins a piece, take 1 day to harvest, and can be sold for 162 coins. Minus plowing, peppers give you a profit of 77 coins per 24 hours, or 25.67 coins per 8 hours. Comparatively, peppers are a much better investment than pumpkins. There are many crops and livestock to experiment with, forcing the simulated farmer (you) to weigh profit options by comparing cost, time it takes to harvest, and turn around price. Just like real life!

Leveling up is a result of gathering experience points (XP). XP are gained by planting crops, harvesting crops, plowing land, harvesting animals and trees, buying decorations and buildings for your farm, using heavy machinery (such as seeders, plowers or harvesters), and helping neighbors.

The game allows you to have neighboring farms, which are actually other Facebook friends who are also Farmville users. You are able to visit their farms, leave them notes, or help them out every once in a while by shooing away crows, picking weeds or scaring away foxes, and in turn you get a reward!

Visiting other farms gives the advantage of comparing processes with results. For example, compare this level 5 farm with a farm belonging to a level 28:

(Credit to Joshua Vivace and Kate Ryan.)

As you can see, the farm on the top is quite unsuccessful. Wilting plants means you lost track of time, and now your coins have gone to waste. The white outline around the cow and horse mean they are ready to be harvested but you have not yet attended to them! The red dots on the cherry tree mean that the cherries are ripe and ready to be picked. This farm is unsuccessful because of lack of care, attention, and to be honest, lack of stuff! How are you going to have a successful farm with only 15 plots of land - there's much wasted space.

Now, the farm on the bottom knows what they're doing. There are tons and tons of plots of land, all with varieties of fruits and vegetables, increasing her total revenue. Her animals are sorted, as well as her trees, and she is taking full advantage of the amount of land she has to work with. She probably took some risks to get this far ahead, but look how successful and accomplished she is! Constant attention and care is required to maintain a farm this beautiful.

After comparing what people do right and what people do wrong, you can go ahead and use their ideas and insight to create your own farm. I don't know if I could ever be fully satisfied with my farm, but it's well on it's way to becoming successful just like Ms. Level 28. Mine is currently going on level 21. (I've always dreamed of the day I would turn 21!)

Now, as you can see, my farm is not quite as developed as the second of the two example farms, but I'm using my newfound entrepreneurial and organizational skills to work towards the top.

All in all, I give this game an A+. There are a wide variety of crops, livestock and decor to choose from, along with good lessons to be learned. It can pass the time, but cannot suck up your entire day. Facebook application perfection. Let's be neighbors!

And for your photo of the day:

Peace be with you, Sara.

Topic #2: SarahPAC.

Sarah Palin stepped down from her position as Governor of Alaska this past summer in hopes of being elected president in the 2012 election. By resigning early, she has the time and freedom to travel the country and gain voters, but is it a waste of time?

A poll was taken at the 2009 Conservative Political Action Conference to find out who would get the most support during the 2012 campaign. The numbers show Palin coming in third with only 13 percent of votes; a tie with Texan Congressman Ron Paul. Mitt Romney came in first.

Another reason election is not likely is her decision to abruptly leave Alaska. As The New York Times states, many have criticized her decision.

Democrats claim she is either being selfish by following her own dreams while hanging Alaska out to dry, or that she can no longer handle the job after bouts of bad publicity and the recent decrease in oil revenues.

During the 2008 campaign, people felt much more strongly, whether negatively or positively, towards Palin, whereas people were more indifferent towards her oppo

nent Joe Biden. Consequently, trying to sway Palin critics will be difficult, for they are already rooted in their beliefs and opinions.

The fact that Palin is a woman candidate strikes up quite a bit of interest among voters, but The National Organization for Women are strict Obama supporters and have already made it quite clear that the

y would not support Palin.

Although Palin formed her political action committee, SarahPAC, in January, it may prove futile against the existing criticism and doubts among voters.

And for your photo of the day:

Yours Truly, Sara.

Topic #1: Alcoholic Productivity.

According to dictionary.com,

alcohol is a a colorless, limpid, volatile, flammable, water-miscible liquid, C₂H₅OH, having an etherlike odor and pungent, burning taste, the intoxicating principle of fermented liquors, produced by yeast fermentation of certain carbohydrates, as grains, molasses, starch, or sugar, or obtained synthetically by hydration of ethylene or as a by-product of certain hydrocarbon syntheses: used chiefly as a solvent in the extraction of specific substances, in beverages, medicines, organic synthesis, lotions, tonics, colognes, rubbing compounds, as an automobile radiator antifreeze, and as a rocket fuel.

You can obviously see where the important part of the definition lies, and it's true. It may intoxicate you, slow your motor skills and reaction time, but on the other hand makes you more productive and daring than you would ever care to be sober. Here are examples:

• Cleaning - This is probably the most useful drunken skill of them all, for it results in the ability to have a lazy, hungover day-after. The more drunk you are, the more you tend to itch to clean someone else's dishes, the more likely you are to get in the shower, clean your room, or even dust-buster the doorframe. Recently, a good friend of mine cleaned my roommates room in entirety, from hanging up clothes to straightening the bed and the rugs, to tidying her make-up and putting away her belts and shoes, all without her asking or even being aware of the situation. She awoke the next morning to find even her stuffed animal had been neatly put away on a hanger in the closet. Impeccable!
• Singing - Rum will teach you that being shy is overrated! Why sit in the corner when you could be on stage singing kareoke to a song you barely know? Or sticking half-way out of the moonroof of the car belting out incorrect lyrics to songs on the radio? For this, I have a personal example. I am not a singer, nor do I claim to be, but after drinking myself into oblivion, I got a perfect score on Kareoke Revolution, a video game that scores your timing and pitch of certain songs. 100%, can't get any better than that.
• Exercising - You don't go to the gym? Well good news! You don't need to! Get drunk enough and you will jog the nine miles home from the club to make yourself a bowl of cereal! You'll decide to go on a 3AM run (with little to no clothing)! Your 90-lb-female self will discover that you can give your school's linebacker a piggy back ride for a good distance! You will do a naked lap around the house after losing in beer pong! You just might have a push-up contest with all of your bros, or attempt to do pull ups from your shower bar! You will army crawl the remaining 100 feet to your bed! You will have blackout sex for hours! You will play baseball with a roll of toilet paper in your living room and dive towards the bases! You will do backflips on your friend's bed until you puke! You will frequently carry your friends for no apparent reason! You will wake up sore as hell and you can be proud that you managed to fit a healthy lifestyle between shots and beer bongs.
• Dancing - Can't dance? News flash, anyone can if they've consumed enough appletinis or vodka on the rocks! Simply grab the nearest person, female or male, straddle their leg and grind. It much resembles the actions of a Chihuahua seeking for attention, but hey, everyone's doing it - don't be ashamed! Grab a leg and join in the humptastic festivities! The other great advantage of alcohol-induced dancing is the expansion of dancing surfaces. Tables, bars, stools, counter-tops and poles all become appropriate and fun dance floors. Get creative and you will be rewarded by waking up with dollar bills in your bra or impressive morningwood!
• Styling - Many times one will wake up in a combination such as stockings underneath bathing suit bottoms, a zebra-print Snuggie and Nike Jordans. The norm of style are pushed to the limit when influenced by alcohol, and it results in imaginative and fantastic outfit combinations. How do you think Vogue comes up with their newest trends? Long-thought processes and research? Hardly. Down a handle of Popov and let the magic happen! If compelled to shave off an eyebrow or pierce your nose, by all means, do it! Embrace your drunken artistry.
• Philosophizing - Deep conversations are a must-have once the 9th beer has been drained. Your parent's divorce, the warmth Christmas time gives you, where you want to be in 10 years, significant others, and endangered species are all common and appropriate topics for drunk and valuable conversation. Another key part in your alcohol-induced genius is the invention of words and phrases! "Malaha" (luau), "Where the Meghan are you?", "Shut your dick," "Double-thumbed by the devil," and many other words and phrases have been coined while under the influence. Your parents worry that alcohol is taking away from your academic experience, but it's actually aiding it!
• Innovating - From creating new dishes to wiring a sound system, any inventiveness you may have is amplified once intoxicated! Turning your bathtub into a fort shows great architectural vision and interior design capabilities. Hanging your iPod and speakers from the ceiling fan shows ingenuity and ability to provide centrally-located music to the whole room. Putting on three pairs of socks and skating across your hardwood floors will save you money - no need to waste gas to go to the ice rink or purchase skate rentals. Turning measuring cups and flower vases into cups will provide more glasses and cups for your guests. Don't underestimate the value of your mind and inventiveness!
• Sexing - Never been laid? Don't fret my pimple-ridden, socially-awkward gremlin! If the person you are eyeing is drunk enough, they won't give a rats ass what you look like or how good you are in bed! That's a good confidence booster for anyone. Creativity is also sky-high for frequent sexers. You will bend in ways you couldn't imagine and create appropriate environments for sex anywhere! Under your bed, check! In the shower, check! On the kitchen table, check! In your neighbors rose bushes, check! You'll wake up with thorns in your ass but a skip in your step!

This list could go on and on, but why ruin the magic of discovery? Opportunities await you my friend. If you ever feel inadequate or unproductive, down that case of beer and let it happen!

Sincerely, Sara.

See Title for More Information.

I realized today that I have a lot of opinions on an array of subjects, and I would like to write about them. Thinking about them and forgetting does no good. The expectations of this blog should be self-explanatory in reference to the title, Not Quite Useful. I'll pick one topic per day to write about at random, but I'm open to suggestions. You want me to write about leemers? I'll do it. Weddings? I'm down. Nuclear war? Sure thing. I also enjoy photography, so I'll try to put up one picture per day, although it may not be from said day. Blogging is civil journalism, and interactive news media. That means I want you comment on whatever you find horrific, amusing, or just a waste of cyberspace. Happy reading!

Love, Sara.