I am not a movie critic, but I do have opinions about stuff (hence this blog), and therefore would like to discuss the recent film Couples Retreat. Now, it's fairly knew, so I know you probably have not seen it yet. I will not ruin the movie with this article! I am merely going to elaborate on concepts brought up in the movie, not just list all the funny parts. Rather, the parts that were supposed to be funny. This movie is about four couples who go to an island called Eden, a place of reconnecting with each other and discovering yourself. One couple is there for marriage counseling, while the other three simply tagged on for the jet skis and all-inclusive booze. Although the advertising had claimed the couples therapy was mandatory, they are almost threatened into going by Sctanley, the head manager of the island. Reluctantly, all of the couples go.
The interesting part about therapy is how quickly the "happy, normal couples" that are just humoring the struggling couple realize that they have gigantic problems of their own. There are four subcategories of unhappy couples: smothered, age difference, cheating and tolerance. I'd like to talk about these and suggest how to fix them.
1. Smothered couples: There is a phrase the therapist uses - "snapped-neck syndrome" - referring to the young boy who gets a puppy and loves him so much that he accidentally snaps its neck. This, to me, is a proper metaphor for these relationships. It's very rare that couples can stand to be all over each other all the time. Sometimes one even treats the other like they're being babysat. Reminding them what they have to do and where they have to go that day, suggesting things like "Oh honey, you shouldn't be eating that..." It makes one feel very... talked down to. I know, I know, you just care for them and want them to be happy, but you shouldn't have to watch them like a hawk and schedule their lives. You should be living together, yin and yang, not living underneath each other like rungs on a ladder. It's possible to love someone so much that you take away their ability to breathe, and in most cases people would much rather breathe.
2. Age difference: In the movie, Shane is in his early 40s and Trudy is barely into her second decade (20, for those of you struggling). He claims she makes him feel young again, but how long can he keep up? Couples who are too far apart in age usually have a short life span, because the elder soon realizes they have a very hard time keeping up with the lifestyle and the activeness and the interests of the younger. A 40-year-old doesn't want to go to clubs, have sex three times a day, take body shots or stay up until 3AM, and even if they did, many times they simply can't. They're older and their bodies just cannot keep up with the lifestyle of a college kid. Therefore, these couples may be fun for a month or so, but eventually someone is either going to get bored or tired.
3. Cheating: There are couples like this everywhere, as disgusting as it is. They're together out of convenience, but are far more interested in the bachelor lifestyle. This relationship is full of temptation, and for those not strong enough, giving into those temptations. I completely oppose cheating, especially getting back together after cheating, so my advice to you is this: If you want to have one partner, get married. If you don't, then don't. Don't get married (or even just be in a relationship) just because it's convenient, then continue to fool around with every broad/hunk that crosses your path. Make a decision.
4. Tolerance: The last type of couple covered in the movie are couples that just "put up with each other." They claim to love each other, but don't do anything together, don't talk, and the concept of "us" turns into "him or her." The therapist asks how their marriage is and they reply "We're a happy, normal couple." He asks them to elaborate and the wife says "We make it through things together pretty well." The therapist frowns upon this answer and says, "You're married. You should be happy and in love. "Making it through things" sounds like zero happiness or fun at all. You shouldn't be making it through things, you should enjoy them." She goes on to talk about how he has his work and she takes care of the kids and he does the laundry and she picks out the kitchen renovations and the therapist stops them again and says "What happened to us? You two may as well be perfect strangers." These couples are the easiest to salvage. Simply set aside one or two nights a week to just have some "us" time. If you realize you're better teammates than you are lovers, then it's up to you whether you want to stay together or not. It shouldn't be a business partnership, it should be a life partnership.
We've covered four of the most basic types of struggling couples. The movie does a great job of depicting where relationships can go wrong, and how you may fix them. The biggest lesson of the movie is to not give scripted answers. When someone says "Tell me how you're feeling," don't tell them what they want to hear, because you drive yourself further and further into denial. If you're not happy, say something, or else you're just going to "make it through" life, and everyone wants to a little more than being alive - they want to live.
Overall, cute movie. I'd say rent it with your significant other when it comes out on DVD.
And for your picture of the day:
Best of luck, Sara.
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