Lent, Day 2.

8:15: Wake up because I had to pee. Realize my Nutrition class started 15 minutes ago. Say "Fuck it," and go back to bed.

9:30: Wake up, shower, and go to Photography class.

11:50: Doing absolutely nothing in Photog, decide to leave class early even though it isn't supposed to end until one.

12:00: Go to library and check out a book of photography. First time I've ever done this at Proctor Library; luckily it's pretty easy to figure out.

3:00: Go to Gym with Paige, realize I'm still wearing a regular bra.

3:05: I walk in, Jim (ex-boyfriend) is there. We avoid eye contact and I get on the elliptical. I am anxious and nervous, so I accidentally go a mile in 7 minutes. I would have liked to stay on longer but I realize my lungs are about to cave in.

3:12: I do weights, abs, more cardio, avoid, avoid, avoid.

4:30: Take birth control. No, I'm not getting any, I just have bad acne and it seems to help.

6:00: Eat dinner with Paige and decide it would be best to get to Hattie's as soon as possible, in order to get incredibly drunk. I then proceed to text everyone I know asking if I can borrow their ID for the night. I receive sketchy answers, so I give up and decide to go balls-out and use my photoshopped ID (printed on photo paper).

10:10: Arrive at Hattie's with Paige and Kim. Beads are thrown at me. I try to dodge more beads and hand the bouncer my wallet, hands sweating, and he waves me off. "I recognize you, hun - go on in." EXCUSE ME, WHAT? I've been there maybe four times in my life, using a different ID every time, and you RECOGNIZE ME? I love it.

10:15: I order my first drink - vodka sprite. I try to drink slowly but I see my ex-boyfriend so I subconsciously drink faster. Joey from Media class comes up to me and strikes up a boring conversation. Bartender - another vodka sprite please.

10:45: I see my ex humping some girl I know (I know quite well) on the dance floor. I'm not drunk, but I am buzzed enough to text Teresa, the hump victim, and threaten her. "We're good friends, but if you hook up with Jim that no longer applies." I'm apparently a psycho ex-girlfriend. I accept this. She texts back, "Don't plan on it," but I saw that she showed him the text message, so I said "That's it." She replies, "Whoaaa, don't plan on it." And I got a text later that said "We're just friends." Alright.

11:40: I am sitting out front on the patio with Paige. Joey Media Class approaches me again and has apparently been racing himself to the blackout finish line, because he can barely talk. He is looking at me, struggling, trying to use some god forsaken pick-up line but still cannot bring himself to talk. Meanwhile, I am getting text messages from Dave and Harry, asking where I am. I am more prompt to let Harry find me, because he has other qualities besides being good-looking.

12:00: Harry sits next to me to find Joey just holding onto my hand, head hung. Toasted. Harry realizes this and ignores the hand holding, assuming I was just taking pity on this poor drunk bastard. He's right.

12:30: Paige brings up the fact that she has never kissed a girl, and that most people think her and I are dating anyway. She receives encouragement from multiple guys to kiss me, and I turn away from her. She can do whatever she wants, kissing is just kissing, but I doubt she has the balls to do it.

12:31: I was wrong. She kissed like a French native.

12:32: Paige is very excited and is reacting positively towards the cheering she hears from the male onlookers. I am happy that I got to pop her "kissing-a-girl" cherry. She is happy too.

12:33: A few guys start taunting her, saying they didn't see anything and that she didn't actually kiss me. Paige becomes frustrated. So frustrated, in fact, that she grabs my face and kisses me again. More tongue. Nice.

12:45: Joey is still slumped over on the bench when a couple of his friends, George and Mike, come over to help him. They try talking to him and only get mumbles in response. Paige is laughing uncontrollably, saying things to Joey about how much of a drunken fuck he is. Mike gets very upset, and screams back, "YOU HONESTLY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN SIT HERE AND MAKE FUN OF MY FRIEND, WHEN HE CLEARLY CAN'T RESPOND? Real nice, you're a fucking bitch." The bantering goes on for a minute or so until they successfully drag Joey to the church van. (The Youth Group kids sit out front in a van until the bar closes at 2am, available to drive anyone honestly too drunk to drive back to campus. Praise the Lord.)

1:00: Harry and I are having a nice conversation, when Jim decides to come up and ruin everything by trying to force his legs upon Paige. Paige pushes him off and full on ignores him, continuing to talk to some girl, Emma, from her class. Jim remains there until Harry and I walk away. Jim follows us again. This continues a couple more times until I bring Harry back outside and we sit behind Paige, out of view from Drunk-As-Fuck-Ex-Stalker. Success.

1:15: A black guy is thrown out of the bar cursing and screaming, clearly freshly punched in the face. "WHO THE FUCK PUNCHED ME?! WHAT THE FUCK, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! WHO THE FUCK DID THIS?" Six out of seven of the bouncers are holding this guy back, because he's pretty juiced, pretty drunk, and pretty angry. He is exerting so much force upon the bouncers that Bouncer 7, who is upstairs, apparently finds it necessary to help. Immediately. By immediately, I mean he jumped off the roof of the bar and catapults himself onto the angry black man. (Angry black man, you never hear those words in the same sentence, weird). I text my other roommate Ally to come pick me up.

1:30: Ally arrives, I grab Paige, Rose, and J-P and we go home. Nighty night, crazy fucks.